The post in question describes an encounter between a trans friend and the blog's author, a closeted trans woman. This "friend" is not much of a friend at all it seems, and in fact, only contacted our author to ask about a favor, which would involve coming by her place of work. That the author told this person "no" doesn't seem like a big deal to me...if the only time you call is to ask someone to "give you a deal" on some work you need done, you don't deserve to have someone do something nice for you.
In fact, the reason the author said "no" had nothing to do with that, but rather, as noted before, she's closeted and having this trans woman show up at work where they may be somehow connected (even though the "friend" promised not to mention her name) was a bit too much for her to risk. I think that's unnecessarily paranoid, but I do sort of get it...coming out (or not coming out) is a personal event and sometimes you are paranoid in the way you manage it.
But wait, reading the rest of the blog, it seems as though the author has another trans friend who comes by and uses her employer's services at least somewhat frequently. So what's the difference between that trans friend and this fair-weathered one? Well, here it is:
"So, let's just say that she puts no effort into her presentation. I think she is going for the lesbian butch look which for a male, would not be hard to do. Suffice it to say, a man in a dress. Sorry. No make up, no hair, no body language, nothing."
The rest of the blog is about how bad she feels, and how her actions make her no better than a "radical extremist". Her commenters try to assuage her guilt, telling her that's not so. But the truth is, it is kinda so. And it's not just this one blogger...huge chunks of the trans community are just as guilty of this all the time.
The blogger tries to accept blame, but the damage has already been done. A trans person has been victimized, and on top of that, she's been blamed for her own victimization. Because as the quote illustrates, clearly this woman is doing something wrong. She doesn't look good enough, she doesn't try hard enough, and her choice of presentation is insensitive to other peoples' needs and feelings. And finally the ultimate insult, resulting in the complete and total erasure of her identity: Man In Dress.
We learned a lot of things as children that we struggle to implement as adults. We learned that you're not supposed to judge others based on how they look, but clearly that lesson didn't take with the trans community. We also learned that you can't own up to something and also pass the buck at the same time...there is no "I'm really sorry for what I did to you but if you just hadn't done what you did I wouldn't have had to do what I did"...that just doesn't work.
To be clear, what was described in this blog is internalized transphobia. It presumes that the best way to be trans is to be not trans. And that people who fail to meet that expectation are undeserving of normal, decent treatment.
One of the blog's commenters even goes on to describe the "friend" as...
"...someone well outside the unwritten rules who is a danger to others and thoughtless."
Well those rules may indeed exist, but make no mistake, they are there to cater to fearful, narrow-minded folk who get what they want by scaring other people and making them feel like crap. And when you propagate their rules you become one of them.